Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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