i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
