Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
