Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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