she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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