i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
