whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
