how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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