i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
