You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
