I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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