yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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