he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I supernannyed him into submission
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
