I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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