just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
