dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
