She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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