i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
