you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
