You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
