i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
