I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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