Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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