Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
