Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
