Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
