Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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