You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I understand Curling. That high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
