why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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