its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
