Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
