Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
