I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
