Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
