why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the day after is always just damage control
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
