I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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