Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
