he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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