I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
did i just pee glitter
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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