Jerry, you need to find god
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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