Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
