whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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