I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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