I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize