did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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