I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
