She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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