I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
