well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
