The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
