Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
