thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
