I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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