Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
