If that was your dad, he is hot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
