ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
