how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
