and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
