I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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