kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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