Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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