you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
