I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
