The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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