yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
