This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
