Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
