Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
