Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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