Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
