it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
