So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
