and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
