I think I am morally bankrupt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
