just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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